With a Little Help From my Friends

What has surprised me most about this past week has been the outpouring of friends who have become my sisters and brothers in loss.  The idea that so many have also lost (sometimes several times) in this way, and are willing to reopen those old wounds to help me heal has made such an impression on me.  In the name of privacy, I obviously won’t disclose these friends identities, but I also didn’t think that a broad thank you was enough, so  here goes:

Sweet: Thank you so much for calling me as soon as you knew.  You knew exactly what to say as you’ve been through this before.  You also helped me by checking in on me several times and even spoke to another person that you thought would help me.  You shared my frustration with my Dr.’s office and understood how I felt better than anyone I spoke to.  I hope that your wounds were not refreshed by my loss, and I hope you understand how thankful I am for you.

Stranger:  You called me in my time of need, and I’ve never even met you!  I was shocked that someone who I’ve never met would be so generous as to share their own loss with a complete stranger.  I cannot wait to meet you, and am so thankful for your generosity.

Fair One: You were the first one to call on me.  We shared one thing in common.  We were (you still) pregnant for almost the same amount of time.  It’s so important to me that you did not shy away from me or seem cautious to contact me.  You had friends who’ve gone through this and you helped me to work through some things, whether you realize it or not.  We are newly friends, and I cannot wait to celebrate with you when you have your precious baby.  I hope we become better friends in the coming months as it seems that fate has put so many things in our lives that we have in common.

Blog Friend:  We have followed each other’s blogs for the past 1 1/2 years.  You emailed me and shared with me your personal experiences.  I know you well enough from reading your blog that you tend to keep stuff like that pretty private, so I am so grateful for you because you revealed that of yourself and dealt even more with your family’s hurt to help me.

Best Friend:  You’ve never been through this and I hope you never have to go through it.  You are the first person I call when anything goes amiss.  Just like always, you helped me through this.  Love you.

Caring One: You called me last night and opened your heart to tell me you’ve experienced this.  Again, I was so blessed to receive love from a friend who I don’t know very well.  Thank you.  You helped me feel better and I hope that you did not have to go through pain to talk with me.

There are even more people that have helped me through this, and many of them have experienced this same loss too.  There are not words that I can express to show you how grateful I am for you all.  Like tears are the body’s way of expressing feelings that one cannot express in words, my smiles at hearing your names and voices are my body’s way of expressing my sincere appreciation for each and every one of you.

I love you all.  Here is a little diddy to help show my appreciation. ;-)

 

"With A Little Help From My Friends"
The Beatles > Joe Cocker
What would you think if I sang out of tune
Would you stand up and walk out on me
Lend me your ears and I'll sing you a song
And I'll try not to sing out of key
Oh, I get by with a little help from my friends
Mm, I get high with a little help from my friends
Mm, gonna try with a little help from my friends
What do I do when my love is away
(Does it worry you to be alone?)
How do I feel by the end of the day
(Are you sad because you're on your own?)
No, I get by with a little help from my friends
Mm, I get high with a little help from my friends
Mm, gonna try with a little help from my friends
Do you need anybody
I need somebody to love
Could it be anybody
I want somebody to love
Would you believe in a love at first sight
Yes, I'm certain that it happens all the time
What do you see when you turn out the light
I can't tell you but I know it's mine
Oh, I get by with a little help from my friends
Mm, I get high with a little help from my friends
Mm, gonna try with a little help from my friends
Do you need anybody
I just need someone to love
Could it be anybody
I want somebody to love
Oh, I get by with a little help from my friends
With a little help from my friends

Loss

This weekend has been one I’d like to forget.

It started with spotting…

It ended in the ER…

and I wish for tomorrow to be over as I have to go

to see my OB for followup.

 

My heart hurts.

I am stronger.

My understanding of how lucky I am for my two boys has grown.

 

We will try again and this time will fade,

but will never be forgotten.

How are We?

Got some great news today!  I found a job at my gym as a nursery worker to replace my Avon Admin position.  I was getting nervous about meeting so many strangers at the office while the kids and I were there by ourselves.  It made sense to look for something else.  The new position is for MWF mornings for about 3.5-4.5 hours each day.  Christian, Nicholas and the new baby are welcome when I am working.  Also, a big bonus, my gym membership for the family is free and I get paid per hour.  I’m excited about it as it will provide a little more money (for a little more work) than the Avon did, so I will be able to decrease my evening tutoring hours a little.  This, in turn, means I get to spend more time with Ed in the evening once the boys are in bed, and I get back a little TV time!!  WooHoo!  I will start the first week of January. 

My first doctor’s appointment is Jan. 8.  I switched doctors to the one that delivered Christian last time.  Since it seems that you never actually have the doctor that you see for your entire pregnancy, I guess we shall see who actually delivers this baby. 

The boys are excited.  Nicholas says he wants a little sister.  Christian says he wants a little sister.  We shall see what the future beholds. :) 

Ed is hoping to find out this week if he will be going on his away rotations for sure.  He is on a Pain Management rotation again this month, so his hours have been pretty good so far.  I love that he is here in the morning when the boys are up and getting ready for school.  It allows them to see him before he goes to work rather than just for a little while after he’s worked all day and is tired.

Nicholas was the star at school last week!  Each child is “the Star of the Week” once during the year.  They get all of these special privileges as the “star of the week” and they really look forward to it.  He’s been talking about it for months.  We made him a poster and I read a book to his class that week too.  He really liked it and Christian loved going to big brother’s class too.

Nicholas also sat on Santa’s lap!!  I’ve got pictures!  I will bring them when we come down for XMAS.  It was funny because Christian was the one who wanted to sit with Santa, and Nicholas was resistant, but then at the end, Christian said “No” and Nicholas did it!!

Christian has been making all kinds of Christmas ornaments at parent’s day out this winter.  He loves school, but he still hates having me drop him off.  He goes through these periods where it doesn’t matter if I take him to school or not, and then he goes through these waves of freaking out that I am taking him.  It’s really hard for both of us.  I will be glad when he is done with this and is happy when I leave him at PDO.  I think he will enjoy being at Kid Fit with me every MWF at the gym.  He will like that, I think. 

I recently got pictures of both boys from school, so I will bring those down too. 

Love you all!